Alexander Barthlomew Gwilym Murray once wanted to be a celebrity. He thought that if he acted famous, people would treat him as such. Once that happened, he knew he would be famous, like, literally. But first of all, he needed a fitting name.

He chose Vienna Famous.

Vienna Famous wanted to be a boy-version of Sienna Miller (gormless, gorgeous and egregious), propelled into stardom by an aspirational surname. He had a crack at everything: modeling, singing, reality TV. Aged 26, he even wrote an autobiography. And like all good celebrities, he 'accidentally' leaked some sexy pictures.

Unfortunately, Vienna sucked at being Famous.

Now a Former Failed Celebrity, Vienna lives in Sheffield like all bankrupt ideas. He was about to be retired by his neglected maker when he recounted the story that became Plankton. His first published short story, Plankton is either a cry for help or an idle boast. Whatever, it saved his conceptual life for another few months.

Vienna Famous writes a funny blog about the underwhelming exploits of the ex-unfamous. Go read it, it's fetlock-deep in schadenfreude.

Alex Murray, meanwhile, has been working as a freelance journalist while procrastinating from writing his silly zombie romance novel (Note: or is it a clever critique of Cameron's welfare reforms?). He writes articles and reviews for Flux Magazine and Artrocker as well as Sheffield alternative magazine Now Then.

He's also very good at spilling mocha on his crotch. Vienna Famous would never do that.